matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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