I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
