Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
