Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ttyl tear gas
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
