if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
