we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
