I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
