I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
