We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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