U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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