Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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