Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
