He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
