the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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