As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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