We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's just like the Real World with babies
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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