Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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