What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
