a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
