literally had 100 drinks last night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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