Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
