Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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