i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
