It's Friday. Sex?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
