I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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