ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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