ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
