She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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