I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
