We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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