It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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