i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
