Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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