You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
