I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
