Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
