ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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