why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
