you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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