I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
