would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
