The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize