The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
