My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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