so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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