i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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