If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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