sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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