i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
