I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
