i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
