Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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