Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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