It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
