you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
