sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
