You're so nebulous sometimes
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
