You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
