Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
