Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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