he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
this is an emotional support booty call
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
