shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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