My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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