Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize