Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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