someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i now understand why vodka
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
