Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
