we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
