R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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